6 Not-So-Subtle Signs of An Unhealthy Friendship
You are the average of the five people you spend most time with, so choose wisely.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is a very popular quote associated with motivational speaker, Jim Rohn. And you might dispute its validity, but you can surely not disagree with the fact that friends have a huge impact on our life and well-being.
2020 for me was a year of deep reflection. After all, what else would one do when they have almost nothing to do all day? Nonetheless I definitely understood that all those whom I called my “friends” basically drifted apart barely within a month.
And that got me wondering that I was carrying so many people along with who couldn’t care less about me. Moreover there were surely those who were restricting my growth and having a very negative impact on my life. And my experience in dealing with such people has made me realize that it’s just not worth the trouble.
After days of analyzing and being disappointed, I finally understood some common denominators in all toxic friendships. Hopefully, these red flags will help identify who is right and wrong for me.
They can never see you happy
As insane as it sounds, it’s a big tell.
A toxic friend can find faults in your biggest achievements. They will never fail to critique your success or even remind you how it might not last for long! Make no mistake and ditch them for good.
They can always find sneaky ways to get in your head by casually suggesting scenarios that you fear or that will spoil your mood within a second. Be it talking about their awful relationships after your first date or cribbing about their marks while you have just scored an A+.
Their criticism or comments are never constructive and often end up putting you in a bad place. Simply put, they cannot see you happy.
They want to be the center of attention
We all know that person who has to swank about their tiniest of achievements. However, it becomes a problem when they can never stop! These friends need the spotlight to shine on them at all times. They will do anything to bring attention to themselves even if it means stealing it from their friends.
Be it bragging about their expensive collectables or crying about their hardships, they have a way to steer the conversation in their direction. They can make you guilty when you are happy or depressed when you face the slightest setback.
They are not just a hinderance to your peace, but will never let you be fully content.
They never have time for you
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who are actually busy. And then there are those who can never make time for you. These are the people who will find ways to escape getting into a serious conversation or avoid doing things which you enjoy.
For them spending time is all about having fun and games, but it never has any depth to it. They avoid sharing meaningful moments and even in a personal conversation, they never seem fully invested. They will find silly excuses to escape from plans and you often end up questioning if they are really busy or not?
And trust me if you get this feeling regularly, you are right! This is not a person who is interested in being with you and you need to distance yourself from them.
They like to put up a show
Have you ever been out with someone and felt as if you spent more time clicking pictures than actually talking?
I know this is the era of mobile phones and no day is complete if you don’t share about it on social media. But that is not the reason why we go out with friends, right. We go out to have a good time and in the process end up capturing some fun moments.
But if you feel that with a certain friend, every day is like a set-up for an Instagram story, then they are probably more interested in showing the world that you are their friend rather than actually being your friend.
This may seem harmless in the beginning. But this friendship can turn out to be very superficial if it continues for a long time. You might end up realizing that most of your exuberant selfies were actually really dull memories.
They have no boundaries
Can we all unanimously agree that there would be much less drama in life had we never met certain individuals?
I definitely agree to this. There are some friends who like to push you in uncomfortable situations. Be it forcing you to make a fool in front of a crush or convincing you to something which you clearly dislike. At the end of the day they leave you with regret and a ton of bad decisions.
And even after putting you in a tough spot, they never seem to grasp that they made a mistake. You will find that they rarely apologize and even try to justify their actions. So, it’s time you set up some boundaries of your own and decide how much of this person do you want in your life.
They have control of your life
I know that most friends have a great influence over our life. And we like it this way. So, what’s the problem?
The simple answer is that it’s great to have influence but control can be very harmful. If you have a friend who dictates every decision you make, they might be doing more harm than good. They have so much say in your life that any choice you make without their consultation will be a mistake in their eyes.
And after a point you too will habitually ask for their advice even in situations where they should ideally have nothing to say. This can be really harmful as you will slowly lose your individuality and morph into a version of this friend that you might never have wanted to become!
So, what should we do now?
If you felt that there are people in your life who might be exhibiting some of these behaviors regularly, take a step back and reflect on their intentions. And decide whether they are worth having in your life.
It’s not often that a pandemic engulfs us and we have so much time at our disposal. But when it does, it surely teaches us the value of life. However, it also endorses the fact that life is unpredictable and it’s up to us to decide the kind of people we want to surround ourselves with.
